Hello and welcome to our first installment of Positive Parenting! Today I’d like to introduce a simple technique that, with just a few minutes of daily practice, can make a world of difference for forming stronger parent-child relationships and helping kids learn positive ways to follow directions, listen attentively, regulate emotions, and play well with others.

How to Spend Quality Time with your Child

Play is one of the most important ways children learn and practice new concepts and make sense of the world around them. Spending quality time with children in play can therefore be a powerful way to help kids develop positive behavioral skills. Special Time is a well-researched play technique used across a range of therapeutic approaches to help parents make the most of play time with their children. Notably, we have strong evidence from both research and clinical experience that the benefits of Special Time do not require an extensive time commitment. Many families see significant improvement in their child’s behavior and emotion regulation with just 5 minutes a day of intentional practice of the Special Time skills.

So what do these skills look like? During Special Time it is important to:

–Praise appropriate behavior

–Reflect or repeat back appropriate things your child says to show you are listening

–Imitate your child’s play to show your approval of their choices

–Describe your child’s actions

–Enjoy! Demonstrate enjoyment and enthusiasm through your tone of voice, hugs, pats on the back, etc.

When we take these skills together we see that they form an acronym, PRIDE, that makes it easy to remember them!

Let the Child Lead

It is important for children to be in the lead as much as possible during Special Time. Creating a low-stakes environment in which children can play and have fun reduces the likelihood of negative behavior occurring and increases the chances that parents will have opportunities to praise and give positive attention to all the good things their children are doing!

To help kids be in the lead during Special Time, it is important to avoid the following:

–Asking questions. Questions put the adult in the lead instead of allowing the child to lead the conversation. Although it takes practice to avoid questions during Special Time, replacing questions with reflective or descriptive statements is often a more effective way to demonstrate that you are listening to your child.

–Giving commands. Similar to questions, commands or instructions put the adult in the lead instead of the child. Remember that the goal of Special Time is to create a situation in which it is easy for kids to behave well so they can receive positive attention for their good deeds!

–Criticizing. Criticism or correction of mistakes or inappropriate behavior during Special Time makes the play time less fun for you and your child. However, praising appropriate behavior or teaching without criticizing are both great options!

To get started with Special Time at home, set up two or three toy options in a quiet area away from distractions. Creative toys that allow for interactive play without extensive rules are usually best. Toys such as Legos, coloring, Potato Heads, Magna-Tiles, cars, animals, and playsets are usually great choices! Let your child know that you are beginning Special Time and feel free to start playing if they are initially hesitant to join in! Use a timer or clock to monitor the time and provide transition warnings as needed (e.g., “We have two more minutes of Special Time.”) Once the time has passed let your child know that Special Time has ended and that you will have Special Time again tomorrow. Ignore any negative behavior during Special Time as much as possible, but feel free to calmly end the play if aggressive or destructive behavior occurs.

Special Time was originally designed for younger children (generally ages 2-7) but can be adapted for older children by changing the activity choices and adjusting how frequently you use each of the PRIDE skills.

For families looking for additional guidance with Special Time or other parenting strategies, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is well-researched program I offer for families of young children with behavior concerns. In PCIT families receive live, individualized coaching to support their implementation of Special Time along with effective discipline techniques.

I will also be sharing a series of posts here with additional detail about each of the PRIDE skills. I hope you find Special Time to be a helpful and enjoyable activity. Most importantly, remember to have fun!

Additional Reading:

What is PCIT? – Official website for PCIT International and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better : Life Kit : NPR

Please note that the content of this blog is presented for informational purposes only and does not constitute clinical or medical advice.

Dr. Davis completed his PhD in clinical psychology with a concentration in clinical child psychology at Auburn University. During his time at Auburn he received extensive training in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), an evidence-based treatment for families of young children with behavior difficulties. He enjoys helping families of children with behavior difficulties or ADHD improve their relationships and overall functioning and conducts psychoeducational evaluations to assess for concerns such as ADHD, autism, or specific learning disabilities. Dr. Davis is rostered with PCIT International as a PCIT Within Agency Trainer.

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Davis, call 864-239-4110 or complete our New Client form here: Contact Us | Vive Psych