Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

  

Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

 

In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a relationship or a transition to a new phase of life. Grief is a natural response to loss. Despite the profound impact that it has on those going through it, many people find it challenging to talk about. Improving our support of ourselves and those around us who are navigating grief comes from awareness, understanding, and acknowledgement.

 

As with most mental health experiences, grief is not a one-size-fits-all journey; it is highly individualized to the person and context of grief. Many are familiar with the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Research has introduced a more contemporary model of grief that resonates deeply with many called the Dual Process Model of Grief.

 

Imagine a pendulum that swings back and forth between two sides. Processing grief for many people looks like moving back and forth between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented phases with periods of balance between. Loss oriented phases include the experience of processing the feelings the accompany grief itself. A loss-oriented phase might include more stereotypical grief tasks such as crying, mourning, isolating, looking through your loved one’s items, or talking about your loved one. Restoration-oriented phases move the griever towards healing through engaging in fun and distracting things. A restoration-oriented phase does not discount the grief, rather it allows the griever to open up to the pleasurable experiences of the world. Often, when people experience a restoration-oriented phase for the first time, it is accompanied by feelings of shame or thoughts like “It’s not fair for me to be enjoying myself without my loved one”. Know that this phase is a part of walking through grief and that it does not make you a bad person to have a good day while grieving loss.

 

Know that both stages of grief are normal and the swings between them become less pronounced over time. Grief is like a stone in your pocket that never goes away. However, the weight of the stone becomes easier to bear over time. Allow yourself to experience all stages of grief, acknowledge how you feel, and talk about your thoughts and feelings with your support network.

 

If you are struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, rather a show of strength and resilience in taking a step towards healing. Our counselors are ready and willing to assist you in your grief journey.

 

To schedule an appointment with Haley Pauls, call 864-239-4110 or complete our New Client form here: Contact Us | Vive Psych

 

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Written by : Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

   Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC   In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a...

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Part 2

Welcome to our second installment of Positive Parenting!

Today I’d like to share the next installment in a series of posts about Special Time, a helpful play technique that can make a world of difference for happier children and families. In my last post I introduced Special Time and discussed an acronym, PRIDE, that summarizes a series of helpful parenting skills to use both in Special Time and in day-to-day life. 

To briefly recap, PRIDE reminds us to:

Praise appropriate behavior

Reflect or repeat back appropriate things your child says to show you are listening

Imitate your child’s play to show your approval of their choices

Describe your child’s actions

Enjoy! Demonstrate enjoyment and enthusiasm through your tone of voice, hugs, pats on the back, etc.

For today’s post we’ll be focusing on praise specifically. Praise is one of the most important PRIDE skills because it helps children learn what they’re doing well and remember to continue that behavior in the future.

 

How to Praise your Child

There are actually two kinds of praise! Unlabeled praise is more general and includes words and phrases like “Thank you!”, “Good job!”, “Excellent,” and “Well done.” Notice that unlabeled praise lets your child know they did a good job but doesn’t tell them exactly what they did well.

Labeled praise is more specific and lets a child know exactly which behavior is being praised. Here’s how we might turn the unlabeled praises above into labeled praises:

Unlabeled Praise                                   Labeled Praise

Thank you!                                                  Thank you for using kind words!

Good job!                                                    Good job putting the cars back in the box!

Excellent.                                                    Excellent job playing gently with your sister!

Well done.                                                  Well done setting the table so quickly!

Because labeled praise lets a child know exactly what they’re doing well, it is often more effective than unlabeled praise for teaching and maintaining appropriate behavior over time. Behaviors that receive a labeled praise tend to be repeated! Labeled praise also adds warmth to the parent-child relationship and builds self-esteem.

As human beings we often tend to focus more on negative events and behaviors. But by deliberately looking for and praising positive behavior throughout the day, parents generally find that negative behaviors naturally decrease as kind, helpful, and positive behaviors increase.

I challenge you to see how many labeled praises you can give in a day, not only to your children, but to spouses, friends, family, and coworkers. Everyone enjoys knowing their efforts are appreciated!

Join us next time as we continue our discussion of the PRIDE skills with Reflect and Imitate. And as always, thank you for reading!

 

Additional Reading:

What is PCIT? – Official website for PCIT International and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better : Life Kit : NPR

Please note that the content of this blog is presented for informational purposes only and does not constitute clinical or medical advice.

Dr. Davis completed his PhD in clinical psychology with a concentration in clinical child psychology at Auburn University. During his time at Auburn he received extensive training in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), an evidence-based treatment for families of young children with behavior difficulties. He enjoys helping families of children with behavior difficulties or ADHD improve their relationships and overall functioning and conducts psychoeducational evaluations to assess for concerns such as ADHD, autism, or specific learning disabilities. Dr. Davis is rostered with PCIT International as a PCIT Within Agency Trainer.

 

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Davis, call 864-239-4110 or complete our New Client form here: Contact Us | Vive Psych

 

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Written by : Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

   Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC   In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a...

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting

Hello and welcome to our first installment of Positive Parenting! Today I’d like to introduce a simple technique that, with just a few minutes of daily practice, can make a world of difference for forming stronger parent-child relationships and helping kids learn positive ways to follow directions, listen attentively, regulate emotions, and play well with others.

 

How to Spend Quality Time with your Child

Play is one of the most important ways children learn and practice new concepts and make sense of the world around them. Spending quality time with children in play can therefore be a powerful way to help kids develop positive behavioral skills. Special Time is a well-researched play technique used across a range of therapeutic approaches to help parents make the most of play time with their children. Notably, we have strong evidence from both research and clinical experience that the benefits of Special Time do not require an extensive time commitment. Many families see significant improvement in their child’s behavior and emotion regulation with just 5 minutes a day of intentional practice of the Special Time skills.

So what do these skills look like? During Special Time it is important to:

Praise appropriate behavior

Reflect or repeat back appropriate things your child says to show you are listening

Imitate your child’s play to show your approval of their choices

Describe your child’s actions

Enjoy! Demonstrate enjoyment and enthusiasm through your tone of voice, hugs, pats on the back, etc.

When we take these skills together we see that they form an acronym, PRIDE, that makes it easy to remember them!

 

Let the Child Lead

It is important for children to be in the lead as much as possible during Special Time. Creating a low-stakes environment in which children can play and have fun reduces the likelihood of negative behavior occurring and increases the chances that parents will have opportunities to praise and give positive attention to all the good things their children are doing!

To help kids be in the lead during Special Time, it is important to avoid the following:

Asking questions. Questions put the adult in the lead instead of allowing the child to lead the conversation. Although it takes practice to avoid questions during Special Time, replacing questions with reflective or descriptive statements is often a more effective way to demonstrate that you are listening to your child.

Giving commands. Similar to questions, commands or instructions put the adult in the lead instead of the child. Remember that the goal of Special Time is to create a situation in which it is easy for kids to behave well so they can receive positive attention for their good deeds!

Criticizing. Criticism or correction of mistakes or inappropriate behavior during Special Time makes the play time less fun for you and your child. However, praising appropriate behavior or teaching without criticizing are both great options!

To get started with Special Time at home, set up two or three toy options in a quiet area away from distractions. Creative toys that allow for interactive play without extensive rules are usually best. Toys such as Legos, coloring, Potato Heads, Magna-Tiles, cars, animals, and playsets are usually great choices! Let your child know that you are beginning Special Time and feel free to start playing if they are initially hesitant to join in! Use a timer or clock to monitor the time and provide transition warnings as needed (e.g., “We have two more minutes of Special Time.”) Once the time has passed let your child know that Special Time has ended and that you will have Special Time again tomorrow. Ignore any negative behavior during Special Time as much as possible, but feel free to calmly end the play if aggressive or destructive behavior occurs.

Special Time was originally designed for younger children (generally ages 2-7) but can be adapted for older children by changing the activity choices and adjusting how frequently you use each of the PRIDE skills.

For families looking for additional guidance with Special Time or other parenting strategies, Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is well-researched program I offer for families of young children with behavior concerns. In PCIT families receive live, individualized coaching to support their implementation of Special Time along with effective discipline techniques.

I will also be sharing a series of posts here with additional detail about each of the PRIDE skills. I hope you find Special Time to be a helpful and enjoyable activity. Most importantly, remember to have fun!

Additional Reading:

What is PCIT? – Official website for PCIT International and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

The 5-minute daily playtime ritual that can get your kids to listen better : Life Kit : NPR

Please note that the content of this blog is presented for informational purposes only and does not constitute clinical or medical advice.

Dr. Davis completed his PhD in clinical psychology with a concentration in clinical child psychology at Auburn University. During his time at Auburn he received extensive training in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), an evidence-based treatment for families of young children with behavior difficulties. He enjoys helping families of children with behavior difficulties or ADHD improve their relationships and overall functioning and conducts psychoeducational evaluations to assess for concerns such as ADHD, autism, or specific learning disabilities. Dr. Davis is rostered with PCIT International as a PCIT Within Agency Trainer.

 

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Davis, call 864-239-4110 or complete our New Client form here: Contact Us | Vive Psych

 

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Written by : Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

   Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC   In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a...

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Let’s Talk About Body Image

As temperatures rise in the summer, we are often placed in situations that aggravate our difficulties with body image. Summer comes with a specific set of stressors around body image that can lead to the development of insecurities or heighten ones that are already present.

It can feel impossible to be confident in your body when we are constantly inundated with messages about the ideal body type and how to achieve that standard.

This can impact your mental health can by heightening anxiety, self-criticism, comparison, or isolation. You may find yourself avoiding certain social situations because the activities involved include wearing a bathing suit or a more revealing outfit. You may know someone who has started starting “eating clean” or begun a new workout routine in pursuit of achieving that “beach body” standard. The search for the ideal summer body can overshadow the enjoyment of activities with friends and family. Emma Reaney, a licensed counselor at Vive who frequently works with body image concerns, says, “Our self-confidence doesn’t have to be tied to our body. Your body is one of the least interesting things about you. People remember how you make them feel, what you say, and how you treat others.”

Here are some questions to consider when evaluating your level of self-criticism towards your body:

  • When I look in the mirror what is the first thought that runs through my mind? Is it about something I wish I could change about the way I look?
  • Am I hiding how my body looks in baggy clothing or avoiding situations that may reveal how my body looks?
  • How much time a day am I spending thinking about how my body looks in a certain position or outfit?

If you are finding that the answer to these questions is not what you would like it to be, take a moment to remember that our bodies are tools that have many functions beyond how we look in a bathing suit.

Emma Reaney frequently works with her clients on challenging this mindset:

“Something I talk to my clients about is noticing what your body does for you. For example, maybe you don’t like the way your legs look but what do your legs do for you? They help you walk, run, dance, etc. It’s okay to not like every part of yourself- we all have our insecurities and it’s important to be kind to ourselves so we’re better able to extend that kindness to others. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, you shouldn’t say it to yourself.”

Remind yourself that all bodies are deserving of love, acceptance, and respect. Your worth is not defined by your body shape or size – your joy and happiness come from within.

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Written by : Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

   Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC   In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a...

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges. You might have noticed an increase in “I should” thoughts running through your head. I should travel. I should make this the best summer ever for my kids. I should spend more time with my friends. I should look better in these clothes. This pattern of thinking (playfully coined as ‘should-ing on yourself’ in the mental health field) can lead you to set unrealistically high expectations for yourself without even realizing you are doing so.

When these expectations are not met, it can cause feelings of anxiety, sadness, frustration, or even guilt. Experiencing these emotions during the summer is often isolating as this season is associated with carefree fun. If this is your experience, know that you are not alone in feeling this way, even if it appears so.

Take a moment and ask yourself where these thoughts come from. Who is telling you that you are not doing enough? Is there a figure in your life communicating this to you, or is this coming from your own mind? There is power in recognizing the way you speak to yourself. Imagine what it would be like if someone spoke to your dearest friend in the way you speak to yourself. If you are finding that your thoughts are overrun with ‘should-ing’, you likely have a loud and persistent inner critic. Noticing when your inner critic is being loud and harsh is a great step towards silencing that voice.

This summer, challenge yourself to find the balance in taking advantage of the sunny days and being kind to your mind.

Parenting Place: Modeling Coping Skills

What are coping skills?

Coping skills are tools that can be used in moments of strong or overwhelming emotions. They help to regulate feelings and bring people back to a baseline when experiencing high intensity stress. Coping skills vary greatly and depend on what works best for you. Some examples of coping skills include:

  • 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Exercise: This skill uses all 5 senses by finding 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste
  • Box Breathing: Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, breath out through your mouth for 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, repeat
  • Walking outside
  • Taking a moment by yourself
Why is it important to model coping skills?

Children by nature are social learners. This means that children learn how to act and react to situations based on how the adults in their life do so. It is very important to be aware of what your children see when you are in stressful situations or are experiencing strong emotions. When children see you model healthy coping skills to handle a situation, it encourages them to do the same in age-appropriate ways. Over time, modeling healthy coping skills will help to develop a sense of emotional regulation and stability in your children lasting into adulthood.

How do I model coping skills for my child?

Modeling coping skills for you child begins with a knowledge of how to use them for yourself. It is important for kids to understand how and why you are engaging in coping activities. Opening the conversation around strong emotions and the need for tools to help deal with them strengthens children’s understanding of the connection between emotions and actions. It is also helpful to explain times when it would have been more helpful to use a coping skill instead of reacting in a negative way to an upsetting or stressful situation. When you see your kids using healthy coping mechanisms, make sure to praise them for doing so. This strongly reinforces their desire and ability to cope with strong emotions in healthy ways.

Grief Awareness: Understanding and Supporting the Grief Journey

   Written by: Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC   In light of National Grief Awareness Day on August 30th, the featured topic for this month’s post is grief. Grief is often thought of in response to the death of a loved one, but can also manifest after the end of a...

Positive Parenting Part 2

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting Blog
Written by : Richard Davis III, PhD

Let’s Talk About Body Image

Written by : Haley Pauls, LPC-A, CRC

Summer Stress: Is It Normal?

Summer is a season that holds many expectations. While it is usually viewed as a season for relaxation and fun, it can be overwhelming at times and comes with its own unique set of challenges.